How many times have you asked yourself the question: Why am I single?
Are you tired of the dating scene and wondering when all your time and effort will pay off? then read this guide for tips to improve your dateability.
8 helpful things to consider
30.10.2020 | Author: DateSmart
Perhaps you have been single for a while now and you feel as if you have tried everything without seeing the results you’re really looking for. Or you might be newly single but already frustrated with endless dead-ends and dreadful mismatches.
Let’s face it – there is a plethora of dating advice out there online. You only need to search the basic phrases of ‘dating tips’ or ‘how to meet the one’ and you’ll be inundated with Google results shouting your name. But it can be tough to find a relevant and useful guide that will examine the simple causes of what might be holding you back. Until now!
Instead of focusing on what you need to try next, like most dating guides, we are instead going to focus upon what you might need to adjust within the approach you already have. There are some incredibly powerful tweaks that you can action today to make significant change to your potential for romantic success. You’re soon going to be wondering why no-one mentioned them earlier.
So, are you ready to get started? Grab a cup of coffee and let’s dive in:
1. Heal first, date after
To build a healthy, happy relationship with someone new we must let go of the anchors of our past. Most of us have experienced the trauma of a breakup or the pain of losing someone. We heal by first acknowledging that the pain is there. We must go through the pain, not mask it, or pretend it is not there. We must not push away the facts of what we have experienced in our previous relationships. Instead, we must acknowledge the journey we have already been on to release ourselves from its grip and impact.
Hoping that your new relationship will ‘relieve’ the old unhappiness you carry is neither effective nor is it fair on your potential new partner. If you need further support to help you heal from your past experiences, consider investing in a therapist or life coach who will be able to guide you in the direction of freedom. We are all human and we all carry memories of some kind. It is who we are as people. But don’t let yours hold you back from enjoying a brilliant connection with someone new.
2. Use a dating website that ‘gets’ you
There are a multitude of dating websites out there now, along with the popular dating apps. There is a niche for just about every type, interest, and sexual orientation. Why not consider branching out from the usual and explore your options with a new platform? Whether you’re a vegan seeking another plant-based dater, or a faith-based person who wants to align with someone of the same religion, there’s a dating site out there to suit everyone. Think outside the box a little to widen your search perimeters.
Who knows who you might run into!
3. Consider who you’re looking for
This may seem an obvious step, but it’s often overlooked in the typical hurry to find true love. Before rushing off to meet someone new, take some quality time alone to consider who would support the life you have already built for yourself. What kind of person are you really wanting to meet? Reflect upon your past relationships and work out what was missing. Has anything changed since then? By knowing what you’re looking for in someone, along with the standards you uphold, you will be far more likely to attract your ideal partner. You will also be more equipped to voice who you are to someone new, so they are able to think carefully about how you might fit into their life. Doing so can save a lot of heartache further down the line.
4. Drop the defence mechanism
Does your profile bark that you have no interest in time-wasters; or does it reveal very little about yourself? Well, that might be exactly what is holding you back. This approach may instantly put off ‘good’ people looking for love. It’s a counter-intuitive stance to take, rooted in self-protection.
5. Be true to yourself
Learn to be okay with being yourself – your authentic self. Pretending to be someone you’re not will not only waste your own and your potential dates’ time – it will also deplete you completely in the long run.
6. Keep things positive
Cultivate quality connections by asking your date, open ended questions such as why do they do the job they do, rather than just what it’s like or how much it pays. Doing so will help you to learn more about who they really are, plus it signals to them that you’re someone who is genuinely interested in them. Remember what we said earlier about letting go of the past to leave space for your future? This is all part of adopting a positive approach to meeting a long-term partner. Ditch the stories of woe about your ex and instead focus on learning about the new person sitting in front of you. Stay in the present to prepare for the future – and the relationship – you really want.
7. Only trust a verified dating site
Would you use an online shopping website that wasn’t safe? Or would you buy a car from a dodgy motor trader? No, of course you wouldn’t. So why place your most personal (and let’s face it, sensitive) details and photographs with a dating website that isn’t 100% legitimate and doesn’t verify their members? Not only will using a bona fide dating site which verifies their members keep you safe, but by doing so you’ll be more likely to meet higher quality dates too – people who, like you, took the time to seek out a safer space to engage with genuine people.
8. Self-esteem is everything
You must believe in who you are to meet the right person for you. We’ve all heard the self-help quotes that tell us that we shouldn’t expect someone to complete us. The sentiment is true, but it really goes deeper than that. If you don’t view yourself as worthy, then chances are you won’t even consider daters who might be a great match for you because you deem them to be out of your league. Or perhaps you have a habit of nit-picking because deep down you’re feeling unsure about approaching someone for fear of rejection. To truly rid yourself of the chains of self-limitation, try to work on boosting your levels of confidence and self-esteem daily. Do what feels good and dress to impress yourself before anyone else. Your future self will thank you for all your hard work – as will your potential new partner.
Relationships of all kinds (and lengths) take some personal adjustment on both sides to work. Instead of viewing love as a destination, try considering it more as a journey towards that destination. Finding ‘the one’ is not an idyllic moment of euphoria from which everything will develop in a fairy tale manner. Love takes work, just as dating does.
Know that the right person will always be worth the effort. They will be worth going out of your way to meet them. The right person won’t need you to be anyone but the brilliant person you already are. You won’t have to offer a version of yourself that you’re not, and you can relax in the knowledge that the person that’s right for you will actually also turn out to be your best friend.
Most importantly, don’t forget that every dater out there has experienced many, if not all of the same worries, wobbly moments and romantic failures as you. But as the saying goes, sometimes you have to go through the worst to get to the best. Expect to be treated well, walk away from anything less.
Try to enjoy the journey more and worry a lot less about where it’s leading. This is the key to attracting the right person, perhaps more than any other.
Still Single? 8 Possible Ways to Address It | 30.10.2020 | Author: DateSmart